“The key is that the parties agree not to litigate, but to resolve all issues in an atmosphere of cooperation, honesty, and integrity,” Edwards elaborated, “and both the clients and their attorneys sign a contract of agreement. The goal is to minimize the negative emotional and economic consequences of protracted litigation on the participants and their families. By avoiding litigation, the parties are not subject to the court calendar; they work at their own pace. This process can be used by any two parties who agree to its terms.”

Only if someone is not committed to the process does it run into problems; if either client breaks the agreement, the attorneys withdraw and the couple has to start all over in a more traditional, and often adversarial, manner.

Many issues of conflict are not legal issues, Edwards pointed out, and can be more quickly, effectively, and inexpensively resolved by specialists who may have tools available to them that lawyers do not. Major areas of conflict tend to involve custody and/or finances

For example, a couple wanting to end their marriage has two children, average assets, and a house. The assets are not an issue; they agreed to a 50/50 split. The big problem is they both want custody of the children, and each has his/her own agenda. If lawyers handle it, they look at the legal issues, what the court would probably do, which is not necessarily in the best interest of the specific parties involved. But there are a lot of emotional issues going on…so the attorneys refer the couple to mental health professionals who focus on those issues. The mental health professionals can usually work through an issue in a couple of sessions, and the parties return to the negotiating table. The process is repeated as necessary.

Mental health professionals can also act as “divorce coaches,” helping their clients determine what is really important to them and why, and to help set goals to be focused on when emotions flare. This helps the individuals look ahead and take steps that will build a positive future for everyone involved, rather than looking back in anger, and for ways to punish a partner that may turn out to be harmful rather than helpful in the long run.

If needed, child specialists can be brought into the process to provide a voice for the children and help the parents develop amicable solutions for their parenting plan. Children of divorce are often afraid of being caught in the middle or of hurting one parent if they express a desire for something other than what that parent may have proposed. But they may have sports or other activities that would be affected by a standard “every other weekend” visitation. Speaking to a third party enables children to fully express those concerns and desires and the child specialist provides a voice to ensure that their true needs are addressed in a caring and responsive way.

“The collaborative process provides a very safe, private, and efficient way of working through the negotiations and can be beneficial to all involved,” said Edwards. “If that same dispute had to go to litigation, then you might have to hire experts to get evaluations, maybe pay for another attorney to represent the children. When these disputes get into the court they can be very destructive, very expensive, and all the ‘dirty laundry’ gets aired.
  “If the conflicts are financial, a neutral financial specialist—one with no history with either party—can be brought in to work with both parties to help reach a resolution. This independent party lays out the facts, and educates each client so both are negotiating from a level playing field. Having a financial specialist run the numbers through different scenarios is often eye-opening and allows people to be more flexible and creative in fashioning an agreement.”

One such specialist is Karlene “Karly” Mitchell, MBA and certified divorce financial analyst, who is president Financial Wings, LLC, based in Norwalk. Mitchell is one of the original financial planners involved in collaborative divorce in Connecticut, which began appearing in the state about a decade ago. She has served on the board and remains active with of the Connecticut Council for Divorce Mediation & Family Dispute Resolution, which offers training and certification programs for professionals wishing to enter collaborative practice.

“Although it has been around for a while, many people are just starting to hear about collaborative divorce,” said Mitchell, “often through friends who have been through it and see how, all things considered, the cases are getting done well.”

Mitchell also noted that there is a distinction between collaborative law—two people and two attorneys, which can be used for a divorce or any other legal dispute—and interdisciplinary collaborative divorce, which involves “a whole team, a holistic approach that includes those four as well as a neutral financial professional and one, two, or three mental health professionals, generally one being a child specialist.

“What we stress to those with children is although you may no longer be a spouse, you will always be a parent, and it’s best for everyone if the parents can work together.”

In litigation, parents often do not talk to each other, but only through their lawyers, she noted, adding, “The collaborative approach provides customized results that enable spouses to move from being married to being nonspouse parents; the emotional benefits are huge, huge, all the way around.”

In any divorce, couples need to make financial disclosure, but it is usually done through the attorneys. Under the collaborative process, there is no discovery; the couple agrees to cooperate and provide information voluntarily. “Once all of the information has been gathered and analyzed, I sit down with the couple and completely explain financial considerations and consequences, then circulate information to the attorneys,” said Mitchell.
 

“We need to establish what outcome they would like, what are each party’s goals. Is it to keep the kids in their current schools, with their friends, to each own homes, to pay for college…and how can those goals best be met?

“By working together, I get to see what some of their issues are, as well as explain some issues they need to consider, such as capital gains consequences if the house or other investments are sold; can the individuals afford to buy something else? How much debt is owed and who pays what; we quantify the children’s expenses… education, sports, music, or other interest lessons; are there one-time or ongoing medical expenses to consider, who will pay for health insurance? When the kids start to drive, who is going to pay for driver’s ed, insurance, maybe buy them a car? What about travel abroad or wedding costs?
 
“We also need to consider what the process will be going forward. How will unexpected expenses or changes in employment be handled? We do financial models and projections, not just for the here and now, but in the future—we look at the total picture.”

“When people are engaged in the process, they are empowered and can come up with solutions that work best for them,” said Edwards. When everyone feels he or she is heard and all concerns are weighed, the parties often offer solutions they never would have accepted if demanded by the other party or long resented if imposed by the court. Sometimes people even surprise themselves by what they are willing to do—such as relocate—or let go of in the best interest of their children, or their own long-range desires.

“The collaborative divorce is malleable; you can mold it into what you want or need,” said Edwards. “There are all different ways of using the model, as long as the integrity of the model is preserved. The goal is to move in the same direction, at the pace it needs to go, to have a good outcome.”
Do people ever reconcile while going through the process? “It happens, but rarely,” said Edwards. “There are usually good reasons people get divorced.”

Summarizing, Edwards said, “Working with specialists, collaborative divorce enables couples to move through their issues more quickly and cost effectively. Most importantly, the process protects children from the destructive nature of litigation and is respectful to all the parties. It reduces stress, anger, hurt, and the family unit remains intact, which makes a big difference in how people feel afterward, which makes it easier for everyone to move forward.”